Sons and daughters - is immigration for your parents the best option?
A recent NZ Herald article "China displaces UK in Family migration to NZ" by Lincoln Tan sparked some thinking on my part, and many subsequent questions arose. This is the third blog in a small series on the topic that will cover my thoughts and concerns relating to such a projection.
Last Monday's article probably didn't come as a surprise to many people. China has ranked second as a country with people migrating to New Zealand for many years.
The increase in family migration is partly due to China's one-child policy, where parents want to be reunited with their only child, and this is entirely understandable.
To give others some deeper understanding of the issues, it helps to know that Chinese cultures are being influenced strongly by Taoism philosophy, where a collective approach of the family unit is far more important than an individual's needs. There is a paramount obligation to be a good child; this is seen as an important virtue. But who gains from fulfilling this filial behavior, the parents or the child?
Often we let the joy of being reunited with our parents override other very real considerations; we forget about the possible long term issues.
If this situation applies to you, have you thought about the bigger picture yet? Have you and your parents considered the impact of language and culture differences, or leaving long established networks and friends behind. Will older Asian immigrants joining their children have enough to do in New Zealand, and have they thought about what it might be to retire in a new country? I believe we have to be honest with ourselves and ask if we are financially secure enough to provide what our family members need.
Before making the big decision, I urge you to talk about what your parents are going to do before coming over; they should be actively learning English, identifying community groups they can join and weighing up the losses against the gains before leaving the country.
Unfortunately, there are many older people I meet who experience depression due to isolation, loneliness, and language barriers and so on. If a mother has been a housewife for her entitle life, imagine how hard it is going to be when she suddenly needs to adapt to a totally new lifestyle and leaves a well established network of friends and wider family behind.
If you are someone's daughter or son, please take time to consider why you are bringing your parents over. Please take some time to talk about the real issues that will occur before they depart their homeland for good. Being filial does not just mean being reunited with your parents, and it does not end there. Would you be able to spend quality time with them when they arrived, or will you be swamped with work in order to ensure they have a good life?
Your comments are very welcome.
Ivan Yeo, Mental Health Promoter, Like Minds
