Gary Sutcliffe

Hi. My name is Gary. I am 59 years young, married with two children and a 8½ year-old granddaughter. I am a son, a brother, a cousin, a nephew, a work colleague and a friend. I am also a peer support worker who will share his life experience, including his journey through mental illness, with those he is supporting, connecting with and walking alongside people who are travelling a similar and often traumatic path. This is my story.

I had a happy childhood and teenage years growing up in New Zealand. I had a passion for sport, playing forever, mainly team sports. I joined a bank after leaving school and started 18 great years in banking with many wonderful opportunities during that time. I met my wife-to-be and together we shared many experiences including working in London and seeing a lot of the world on our big OE.

I went through a brief time in the early-mid 80s when I was diagnosed by my GP with depression brought about by a number of changes happening in my life at the same time, most of which were positive changes. Out of this came a decision to run a marathon in 1984 - a defining moment!

I left the bank in 1985 and bought a business, a retail sports store. This was great, working for myself, doing my own thing, in control of my life. But it was not to last. The wheels started to fall off the business after five years or so and they fell off me too.

I clearly remember the moment when I had an overwhelming panic attack at the shop one day while we were refurbishing the place and told my wife and my Dad who were there at the time that I needed to get away. 

I did and went straight to bed when I got home. Going to bed as soon as I got home became a pattern. I had become increasingly worried about the downturn in business and started to doubt myself. The sense of control that I used to have was gone. I was out of control! From that day on, life became a real struggle and I lost complete confidence in myself with overwhelming feelings of failure.

I saw my GP who talked about depression, prescribed some medication and suggested counselling. The counselling sessions provided some moments of clarity but did nothing to lift me out of the depression. The medication didn't really help either. And then my GP referred me to a psychiatrist. That was THE PITS!! This conjured up all kinds of scary things. I wasn't mad. I felt quite sane. I was just having problems with confidence and lack of enjoyment of things in my life. It was a scary time for me and my family. I was desperate to see the psychiatrist but equally desperate to get the medication and go.

After trialling one medication unsuccessfully, the next one started to work even if very slowly. The psychiatrist's approach to medication was quite different to that of the GP. She would know if the medication was going to work within 7-10 days and if it didn't, then she would change it. I just wanted to get better, for this constant feeling of gloom and failure to go away.

I started to come right very slowly but surely and was to rediscover much of my old self and to discover a new self as well.

In a sense, my psychiatrist believed in me, believed I would get better and held the hope for me when I had lost it for myself.

There are a number of other people who believed in me and have supported me as a friend. Some of them have become close friends, supporters and confidantes. And above all, it has been and continues to be the love and support of my family that is the single most significant factor other than my own self-determination that sustains my wellness.

There have been a number of turning points that have made a difference on my journey:

• Finding the right medication and staying with it but also reviewing that medication with my GP and mental health services and being proactive about changing medication once I have found out what it's all about.
• Doing voluntary and paid work in mental health.
• Joining the Shared Vision movement.
• Discovering and working with Peer Support.
• Undertaking Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help me better understand the things that trigger anxiety and find strategies to cope with those situations.
• Sharing my story with people in the hope that someone reads something in it that creates the thought that "If he can do it so can I".
  

And the people and things that sustain my recovery:

• My family.
• My friends and colleagues.
• My running now walking and both an "obsession" with and enjoyment of completing marathons and other walking events.
• Finding the right medication and staying with it.
• My music, including relaxation music which takes me to peaceful places and helps me to sleep.

Thank you for reading my story. You, too, have your story to tell. It's having someone listen to you, respecting and valuing you for who you are, holding the hope for you when you have temporarily lost it for yourself that makes the difference.