Being Asian with a different sexual orientation

When I told my parents I was queer at age 14, I hardly knew of any other gay/lesbian/transgender/queer people. I knew of the Top Twins and Ellen DeGeneres, and I'm sure some other "rumoured to be gay", famous musicians or actors, but those were all TV and movie people. I didn't know of any queers in real life. I certainly didn't know of any queer Asian people.

Sixteen years later, having done some queer youth work and community development work, I know a good bunch of queer Asian people, and from discussing our sexualities and genders, it seems there are sometimes tensions between who we are as Asian people, and our sexualities and genders.   

While many Asian families are supportive of whomever their children, parents, grandchildren and cousins are, many gay, lesbian, transgender and queer Asians struggle with sharing our sexuality and gender, with our families.  

Some of this is the feared prejudice that might come from heterosexual family members, and some is fearing that we will bring shame to our families. There might also be the fear of rejection and conflict. 

For some queer Asian people, it is not such a big deal that our families don't know about our sexual orientation or gender identity. It may be that these topics are just not talked about in the culture of our families, even if we were straight!   

Whatever the reason, not feeling like we can, or want to tell our families about our sexual orientation or gender identity, has some kind of impact on the depth of relationships with our families, and our relationships and family ties can become weaker and thinner because of this.

There are many organisations and resources that are useful if you are gay, lesbian, transgender or queer. And also useful even if you arent, so that you can support someone close to you like a grandparent, child, grandchild, cousin or sibling.

Rainbow Youth and Outline are good places to start for information and resources.

Guest blogger – name withheld

Youth beneficiaries – bludgers or bludgeoned?

By Tina Helm, Like Minds, Like Mine Mental Health Promoter

The announcements made last week about the proposed changes to youth benefits came as something of a blow to me, I must say.  Not to mention the comments underneath the online news items, from what appears to be the majority of New Zealanders, who seem to believe that there needs to be a “crack-down” on young people receiving welfare and that young people need to get up off the couch and go and get a themselves a job.

Do New Zealanders actually know WHY teenagers under 18 would be receiving a benefit?  I don’t believe this was very prevalent in the media around the announcement. There are two reasons and two reasons only.  One is if you have dependent(s) that you have to financially support, and one is if it is unsafe for you to live at home.  And this is where I fit in.  

When I was 16 years old I left home, not because I wanted to or because I felt like I was grown up enough to make it in the big wide world by myself, but because it was the only option I had if I were to be a safe and healthy individual.  I won’t go into the details, but it was one of the most frightening things I had had to do.  

WINZ didn’t make it easy to receive financial assistance, or any other assistance for that matter –none was offered to me. I was made to go through a psychological assessment – not as a means of offering me psychological support after any trauma I had experienced, but to ensure that I wasn’t lying about my situation and that I should be entitled to my $170 a week (now, 16 years later, despite massive price changes in food, rent and other living costs, the maximum entitlement remains the same).  

And I was one of the lucky ones who hadn’t had to go through this process while under CYF (Child Youth and Family) care. These young people, through failures in placements and being moved around  – have often long left the education system. This makes the barriers to access to education even wider.  With more adequate supports and care these young people would have a better chance of becoming engaged in education and employment.

Are alcohol and cigarettes really a problem here?

The reforms the Government has been talking about will mean that these young people will not be allowed access to the full benefit amount and will, instead, have their rent and bills paid for them, with only a very minimal amount of “real” money.  This is a way of “cracking down” on teenagers who spend their benefit on alcohol or cigarettes.  

The fact is that, legally, one isn’t allowed to purchase these items until they are 18, so what’s the problem? Is this a case of blaming “dole-bludging” young people for the youth culture of drinking in New Zealand? I’m sorry, but this is simply un-called for and unfair.  Neither is there any evidence being supplied that shows that Independent Youth Benefit recipients are spending their weekly allowance on alcohol and cigarettes. This seems to be an absolutely pointless means of restricting youth benefit recipients and vilifies those who have already been failed too many times.

Food stamps will be provided to young beneficiaries, including young mothers on the Domestic Purposes Benefit (DPB).  Anyone who has ever been into a WINZ office will know how demeaning it is just stepping foot in there.  Anyone who has ever received an emergency food allowance - because the amount that WINZ offers through weekly benefits just doesn’t reach the required amount to cover bills and living costs - will know how degrading and stigmatising it is to produce a voucher with a big WINZ logo on it. 

Placing young people at greater risk of danger

Combined with the risk of instability in living conditions and the potential need to move from one house to another, the limiting of access to individuals’ funds will result in young people needing to wait for bureaucratic processes before they can change homes. This may be placing young people at greater risk of danger.

Another problem with limiting direct access to finances is the further disempowerment of young people who are already considered “at risk”.  By limiting individual control over finances we risk young people’s continued dependency on the state because they aren’t given the opportunity to learn how to budget or pay their own bills.

Another alteration in the current system is that 18-year-old DPB recipients will be paid childcare costs for one year after childbirth to force them to go into training or work as soon as possible.  Providing childcare for mothers who choose to go into work is a very important step, however, forcing mothers back into work, potentially before they are ready, is not going to be good for either mother or child.  

There is a common misconception that the rates of teenage pregnancy are increasing and that this is creating an even bigger burden on taxes. This simply isn’t the case: teenage pregnancies and abortions fell during 2009, which is perhaps welcome news that there are fewer unplanned pregnancies. In fact only 3.1% of the makeup of those on the DPB is under 20 years old.

There simply just aren’t enough jobs at the moment – and that goes for the whole population, skilled and un-skilled, educated and un-educated, adults and young people.  If the Government spent as much time creating jobs as it did focusing on the scourge of youth beneficiaries, which only make up 1600 people in total, then it might have a better chance of reducing welfare dependency and  unemployment rates, and increasing spending - which are, apparently, its aims.

Time to stand up for your children!

Next week is Pink Shirt Day, 14 April – which highlights that bullying, is not OK and won't be tolerated - so it’s a good time for me to ask the following question:

When are we going to stand up as a community and take responsibility for stopping the daily bullying of children in, and outside of, our schools?

The damage that is done to children by bullying, the constant fear of bullying, and the fear of reporting bullying, is not a small thing. It eats away at you. And let’s be clear about this, bullying is mostly just a euphemism for assault.

I am an everyday Kiwi parent of a teenage daughter and have had to deal with her being intimidated by two girls with a knife in our local park because they wanted her mobile phone, hit by thrown apples and other food, threatened outside the school gates, name calling and a friend of hers who was assaulted last year in the local mall.

I feel helpless and have lost patience.

With our schools:

• Saying they do deal with school bullying – when in actual fact they can’t see that there is a whole lot more that needs to be done.
• They think bullying is rare, but a lot of bullying is not reported to teachers because students are too scared of the consequences from of kids of speaking out. 
• Taking in students expelled from other schools is not a solution – it adds to the problem.

With the police:

• Saying they are too busy and that their hands are tied and “it’s too hard” because of the lack of resources.

With other parents:

• One mother put my child at risk by providing 13- and 14-year-olds with alcohol at unsafe party venues.

With the law:

• Which seems to have nothing to say about any of these situations.
• Where is the funding for the social services needed to bridge the gap between schools and police?

So this week I wrote to MP Tau Henare to let him know the terrible helplessness I feel. I said to him:

“The problem is we seem to protect youth criminals, we seem to want to look after them more than the victims. Schools are told they have to teach these children so their hands are tied, we need to help them so they are able to deal with these bullies, and if they know of bullying and youth violence by their students outside of the school, they can work with the police to be able to deal with this.  The police can’t prosecute as the offenders are too young, we need to change this… what do we need to do to make our children safer?  Do we have to wait until the incident in Morrinsville? If there is something I can do as a parent to get the ball rolling to help you as an MP, I will be there. I can start petitions, I can write letters, I can get support - you name it I will do it.”

STEP UP, TAKE NOTICE, DO SOMETHING
After I started writing this blog, I decided to talk to the school and police again. I think they are truly concerned, too - but they need more support; they need more resources and legislation, and the Government needs to step up and start taking notice. Why are so many children so violent, and what is being done for them? How can the law protect the victims?

Today, I am offering my services as a petition writer, school helper, peacekeeping advocate - whatever it takes to get something done about this serious and potentially life-threatening problem.

And I welcome others to join me - I can’t do it alone.

COME TO OUR COMMUNITY MEETING
There is a community meeting on 20 April at local MP Paula Bennett’s office, Great North Road, Henderson, 7pm, with MPs Paula Bennett and Tau Henare, asking if people feel safe in their streets. I am going to attend that meeting, and I challenge the local school principals and constables and other key members of our community and parents to attend as well.

I try to tell my daughter that I guarantee nothing will happen to her if she speaks out. Wouldn’t any parent want to be able to say this to their child and know that it is true?

NZ Herald article about another mall assault

NZ Herlad article about kids' misbehaviour rated No1 social issue

Keshlar Inglis, Parent

Chinese New Year brings new set of challenges

Chinese New Year is upon us and it’s tradition for Chinese people to return home to celebrate the spring festival. Each family prepares a New Year’s Eve dinner where everyone gets together in order to show they will have a family reunion next year. 

But in recent years, more and more young Chinese people who work in large cities far away from their home town dread returning home for spring festival. They’re called the home-anxious clan. 

So why don’t they want to go home?

Well, many migrant workers have to spend more money on getting home than in the past. High-speed trains are being put into service this year, and the tickets cost three times as much. It’s harder to get cheaper tickets since there are fewer normal trains in service.

Young Chinese people feel very awkward when they return home without something to make their parents proud of, such as a good job. They know their parents will be much happier if they bring home a future mate – they dread their parents nagging them about getting married. They even think of renting partners just for going home only - some people really do this!

Even though Chinese New Year is one of the most family-oriented holidays of the Chinese lunar calendar, many young people are fearful of going home for it because of the huge expenses involved; the family reunion causes a lot of anxiety for them.

It is customary to give a “red envelope” – a monetary gift given on special holidays. They have to give their parents money, and there’s also a fear of owing other people favours because they will be invited out to eat.

Parents simply want to enjoy seeing their child

Since 1980, married couples in China are only allowed by law to have one child. These families have the difficulty of deciding whose hometown they are going to return to for spring festival. This causes arguments, some of which even lead to divorce.

So, many home-anxious clans decide to stay in the city and celebrate Chinese New Year without the company of their family members, wondering if they can go home next year. Although some young people might not think so, it may be China’s most important time for a family gathering.

Charlie Tang, Mental Health Promoter, Mental Health Foundaiton

Someone Like Me – from youth research to youth action

As a provider of Like Minds, Like Mine work, the Mental Health Foundation has carried out research into the experiences of stigma and discrimination faced by young people with experience of mental illness or distress.

The research, in partnership with The Collaborative for Research and Training in Youth Health and Development  was used to set up a youth action project that builds partnerships with young leaders who provide solutions to various issues. 

While encouraging frank discussion of negative experiences, the research also asked the young people what did work for them, ie, what attitudes, what services, and why. It also asked them for their ideas about potential solutions.

Our findings paint a clear picture of the experiences of young people when identifying, and seeking help for, their emotional distress. The research also offers hope that there are ways to change attitudes and re-frame services, and that this work can, and should, be led by young people. While the research has yet to become a published document, the stories shared already form the backbone for the action group, known as Someone Like Me, as it engages in the community to find solutions.

In a short time Someone Like Me has already made a significant impact, developing the kind of forward-thinking action plan that would make grown up professionals weep with envy. The volume of work done and planned is staggering and includes: presentations at conferences, community hui, involvement in the local service user network, comic books, DVDs, school presentations and recruitment campaigns!

Certainly it is a perfect example of how young people, when given the opportunity and trust to build on their own passions and skills, will be the drivers of change and can flourish as the potential leaders of tomorrow. This work will be presented by me as part of the NZAAHD Involve 2010 conference taking place this week in Auckland. 

The presentation was developed alongside the Someone Like Me group and will include a video featuring group members Ange and Kelly. If I can’t take them to Involve with me in person, I figured I could sneak them in on my flash drive and give a true and honest representation of their individual enthusiasm and interests. These young people are the heart of the group and the story of Someone Like Me is theirs to tell: 

Watch the video

For further information on the research or the work of Someone Like Me, or to express an interest in getting involved with the group, you can contact me at steve@mentalhealth.org.nz or, better still, get in touch with the group itself at someonelikemehub@gmail.com 

Steve Carter, Mental Health Promoter, Mental Health Foundation Southern Region

Tough times breed resilience

Resilience is a word we use every day in mental health promotion and I’m keen to develop a deeper understanding of what this term really means.

Resilience has been explained to me as “bouncing back from difficulty with more smarts”, which seems simple enough, but what creates a resilient young person, or even adult or older person? After all, life’s difficulties don’t end when you hit adulthood.

I’ve been reading the evidence and speaking to lots of people about their concepts of resilience and how we get there. A piece of good reading I would recommend on the topic is Grit, published online by The Young Foundation.

Some key things strike me about resilience. To know you are resilient you have to demonstrate the capacity to get through hard times. Therefore it’s only by experiencing hard times that we learn to become resilient.

I’m guessing you have heard the term ‘cotton-wool children’, a theory that argues we are not teaching our children to learn risk analysis as we are removing all the potential risks they could experience, for example designing playgrounds where it is almost impossible to get hurt.

Are we doing the same thing emotionally? We protect our children from negative emotional experiences and don’t allow them to learn how to cope well when their emotions are overwhelming.

I’m a fair-skinned, freckly redhead and, yes, I was teased at school, so maybe those experiences helped shape me as a resilient adult.

I will admit that I’m simplifying the concept and there is some good evidence that shows particular skills are required to “get through stuff well”. These are: reflectiveness – the ability to be curious about your feelings and try to make sense of them; agency – the belief you are in control of your life; and relatedness – having at least one person in your life who you can count on and the ability to develop connections with others.

But all the same, shouldn’t we consider the tough times the main source of our later resilience?

Amanda Bradley, Northern Development Manager, Mental Health Foundation

Social networking: helping or hindering youth development?

Social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are changing the ways in which we connect with each other, with children and young people often the early adopters.

There are many wellbeing benefits for young users of social networking sites. They help young people to establish an independent voice through developing public ways of presenting themselves. Users can also participate in discussions and act on issues. They learn how to be team players through working together, and online spaces offer opportunities for talking with friends, developing skills for identifying and managing risk, and dealing with a sometimes hostile world.

Of course, there are the sceptics. As with all new communication technologies, the exact effect on people is yet to be scientifically assessed.

Many researchers are warning of risks to wellbeing, with some arguing that using electronic media undermines the ability to read body language – an important prompt for interpreting meaning and responding appropriately.

Other researchers say the fast flow of status updates forces users to flick through information without really considering it. As this flicking becomes a habit, young people form numb personalities, they say.

Social networking sites are said to be connecting young users on a level without deeper thoughts or emotions, thus gradually contributing to a detached and uncaring generation.

The general consensus is that social networking sites are beneficial, but that they do have their downsides. It will be interesting to see what the future holds and whether such sites will continue to impact on our lives to the same degree as they do now. Something to think about when next updating your status!

Angela Culpin, Mental Health Promoter, Youth

Bullying rife in our schools and workplaces – what can be done?

Pink Shirt Day, New Zealand’s anti-bullying awareness day, is on 28 April - this is the perfect time to be thinking about what can be done around bullying in our communities. 

Many people may feel frightened to speak out against bullying and that there is no way out of a harassment situation due to a lack of support. It’s important we provide a voice for these people, and do what we can to start effectively combating the issue. 

Let's start by wearing a pink shirt next Wednesday. This will likely cause a stir, especially if pink isn't usually part of your daily attire!  But it should help to open up the discussion and let those without a voice know we care and there is support for them to come out against bullies.

More positive action from the Mental Health Foundation will be the release of filmed interviews from the presenters at its recent Bullying Forum, giving access to some of the presentations and online access to a directory of services and resources to tackle bullying in schools.

We would love to hear from you if you have more to add to our list of on- and off-line anti-bullying resources, as we want it to be as robust and as useful as possible!

About the Bullying Forum
The highly successful one-day forum included presentations from The Peace Foundation, The Children's Commission, Rainbow Youth, Eating Disorder Education Network, Rape Prevention Education and more. 

Along with some other important goings-on, such as Dr. Janis Carroll-Lind's release of a recent report on the effect of bullying on young people, and the release of the Youth 2007 survey, we were able to ignite some much-needed discussion around bullying in schools. 

Since the forum, the conversation has moved on to workplace bullying, where statistics show the issue is rife. One out of five people in employment report they have suffered from workplace bullying - one of the worst rates in the developed world.
 
High rates of workplace bullying for people with experience of mental distress
While New Zealand’s population as a whole is experiencing high levels of workplace bullying, this is heightened for those with experience of mental illness.

At the recent Building Bridges Conference, Vanessa Cooper (Auckland regional Like Minds programme) said “over half the participants in my research had experienced workplace discrimination… among these was workplace bulling - this was experienced by having opinions discredited, having their responses seen as overreactions due to their illness, and a lot of peer rejection...  Bullying and office gossip was a large deterrent to experiencing a supportive work environment.”

About Pink Shirt Day
Pink Shirt Day came out of Nova Scotia a few years ago when a group of students all wore pink shirts to school as an act of solidarity to show support for one of their peers who was being bullied.  Since then the idea has become a worldwide awareness project aimed at helping to combat bullying in schools.

Tina Helm, Mental Health Promoter, Youth

VIBE joins Facebook and tackles some tough issues

The members of VIBE are young, creative and passionate about social change. We provide a youth-focused voice for the future of New Zealand mental health; and now we’re expanding our reach through Facebook.

VIBE members develop and implement creative projects in the youth community to reduce discrimination around experiences of madness. Some examples of our projects include t-shirt and poster design and development, writing for online and print newsletters and participating in music gigs. We also provide feedback on mental health and youth-related resources, services and training to agencies and organisations that work with young people.

An issue concerning us at the moment is the recent funding cuts by government and district health boards.  Closure of the 198 Youth Health Centre in Christchurch, and also the Auckland-based Mind Matters Trust, due to funding reductions are two such services. Mind Matters was forced to close after seven years of providing an alternative to acute admission services for young people and their families.

Having used Mind Matters Trust myself in 2005, I can remember what a great experience it was to be with other young people who knew what I was going through. It played a huge role in my recovery, largely due to the team that included staff, board and managers.

Mental health funding cuts might seem to save money in the short-term, but they have a detrimental long-term impact that leads to higher costs through increased chronic conditions and emergency admissions.

Short-term funding cuts will harm sustainable long-term collaboration of young adults, but VIBE will work to ensure that the sector and wider society remembers that young adults are our future.

If you live in the Auckland region and have experience of mental distress, and a passion for positive social change, we invite you to become part of VIBE. If you live outside of Auckland, you can keep up with us via our website, or talk to us about starting up your own local network.

Richie Paine, Mental Health Promoter - VIBE